How I deal with my children's tantrums
Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.
- Margaret Wheatley
Do you have many difficult days at home, much more than you would like?
I feel you, and I am no different from you, and I too have my fair share of difficult days. Here's what happened one day - my elder son, A1, was whining and complaining a whole lot (about the amount of homework, about lunch even though it was his favourite homemade Hawaiian pizza, about the lack of things to do at home that doesn't break the tv or the lights or injuring his younger brother). I found myself having to sit him down to talk with him once every 30 minutes.
By the end of the day, I was tired, just plain tired of having to talk to him and dealing with his tantrums, asking him not to run around, and to be kind to his brother etc.
During our nightly reflections time, when it was my turn to speak, I said something that surprised myself even. I told my boys honestly that today was a difficult day for me and I am not sure if I am doing right as a mum.
A1 softly said, "It's me right?" And I said yes, I told him honestly that it seems to me that today he is reacting more and having more outbursts than usual and I asked him why. He quietly said "Because A2 gets more praise and attention than me. You all praised him for every single small thing, like being able to write letters F and R while I can write so many sentences and no one says anything. He gets away with eating half his dinner and have desserts when I need to finish my bowl of rice before even leaving my table. It's not fair!"
I was quiet for awhile and I hugged him. I asked if he knew that I love him so so much and I love him the same as his brother and he said yes. We were quiet for awhile just in that embrace.
When I spoke again, it was gentler. I apologized that I caused him to feel jealous but that was not my intention. I told him I understand how being an older sibling feels (as I am the elder sister too) and how we have higher expectations of him as the older one. I told him that I will be more mindful to recognize his good deeds more and to verbalize my love for him more.
My heart was lighter and I knew his was as well.
Tomorrow will be a better day. 💪
How about you? Have you had days like that? Was there a conversation that you found hard to start but so glad you did?